Sunday, January 9, 2011

Letter To The Reader

Dear United States,

We get it already.  Half of you are incensed that there’s a man of African descent in the White House.  Black Man in White House = Intergalactic Rise in Racist Hatred.  Thus, you’re opposed to your fellow citizen receiving basic medical coverage and you’d like to see every non-Aryan in the world fry from a U.S. Marine flamethrower.  (Go figure.)

So as long as we’re already headed back in time to 1968, where supposedly it’s once again vogue to take a gunpowder whip to politicians who don’t align well with Nazi principles, let’s travel back in time one century further to, say, 1860.  U.S. Civil War, Part Deux, on!

While a good many progressive thinkers will take the ultimate fall on behalf of restoring sanity to the Union, at least a good bit of the über-fringe on the neo-con right will be eradicated from the planet—as these morons will beg, borrow and steal for posts on the front line.

South Carolina, we’re counting on you to take the lead.  So draft those letters of secession!  Rub the rust off the canons!  And put all the Jared Lee Loughner's out there for us to see in broad daylight.

On the count of one…two…three…BANG!

Columbia City Paper


  1. This website blows. Is this all you liberals have? The empty race card? A truly desperate "tactic" from a political position that most Americans have absolutely no use for and is divisive and may be dangerous. Congratulations, progressives.

  2. J. Pelikan SarcophageJanuary 11, 2011 at 1:46 PM

    Well, Jed, I'd have to say that America actually has no use for someone who denies racism as political motivation in this country.

    Frankly, I'm tired of seeing the left not be up in arms. Only, we arm ourselves with logic and critical thinking, not with actual "arms" (weapons of violence) and the hatred of heterogeneity.

    How is this letter desperate? You want war? We'll give it to you. Again, not with violence, but with intelligent discourse; sometimes satire, sometimes declarative thinking. But always on the side of justice.


    p.s. How many Confederate flags are in your attic?

  3. When Bill O'Reilly is calling all muslims terrorists on national television and making death threats to people like Sen. Franken...who is playing the race card?