Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Believe In Steve

An ode to our Fearless Leader

By Aaron Johnson


Rejoice! The epic of One Columbia has begun and we are fortunate to bear witness. The Glorious Revolution is inevitable, and Mayor Steve Benjamin's plan includes us all! We must all play our parts in the Grand Theatre of Progress. Since 1651 the Truth has been written, but it has taken the mighty hand of the Leader to etch it into the fabric of Destiny. From Marx to Nietszche to Benjamin, the River of Enlightenment flows mighty and cuts a course through History, as we shall now endeavor to elucidate.

"The life of man: solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short." - Thomas Hobbes

The first great work of modern political thought was the first crack in the armor of the perdition of the nature of man. In recognizing the flaws of the nature of man, Hobbes took the first step on the road towards the restoration of the human spirit. Man's tendency is towards cruelty, and the liberties endowed upon mankind through free will are limitless to a fault. Thus man has liberty to take property and, indeed, life from his neighbor. What is required to forestall these evils is a powerful ruler with the charisma, strength and forbearance to preclude man from delivering suffering upon his neighbor. Let us be ever grateful that Steve Benjamin has seized this role and shall deliver us from our own Fallen State!

There are those who would cast criticism upon Mr. Benjamin, and would say that he has not lived up to his "campaign promises" of balancing the budget, holding no other job than that of his public office, agreeing to have his wife step down from her position as a judge and agreeing to a hiring freeze that would preclude the municipal government from hiring anyone whose job description has not already been publicly posted by the city manager as of his candidacy.

Firstly let us address the matter of the budget. It is known that the every man owes a debt to the Commonwealth for his defense and security. As such, no man holds a claim on the treasures of the state except for the Sovereign. As such, Mayor Benjamin has natural authority to build a $300,000 (plus) deficit into this year's budget, no matter what he may have claimed on the campaign trail!

Secondly, Mr. Benjamin may have "promised" not to hold any vocation beyond the office of mayor, yet it is true that he has, since being elected, accepted a position as a lobbyist for a powerful legal firm. On the surface, some say, this seems contradictory. Hobbes proves these misguided malcontents false with the axiom: "every subject is the author of the acts of the Sovereign, hence the Sovereign can not be accused of injustice." If this were not enough to stifle these dissidents, let us delve deeper!

Mr. Benjamin recognized that his wife's position as a municipal judge would stand as a conflict of interest were he to be elected mayor. Yet he knew, as Hobbes surmised, that it is the right and duty of the Sovereign to choose magistrates and officers for the benefit of the land, and that such offices are to be possessed at the "express words and testament, or by other signs sufficient." Thus it is not for us, we know, to question the claim of Madam Benjamin to any office so designated by the Sovereign.

"What then," asks the dissident, "of the demand to hire Mike Wukela and Sam Johnson as city employees despite a lack of a job posting for any such position?” After all, Benjamin was adamant that the city should not hire any new employees. Indeed at several forums he called for a hiring freeze and expressed vehemently that no new positions should be created on the public payroll that did not already have a job posting.

Surely these dissidents are unfamiliar with the Sovereign's authority to "reward with riches and honor," and to "establish honour and a scale of worth." Of course here Hobbes refers to the aristocracy, which is a vital institution for any powerful hegemony. Surely we, as commoners, require a hereditary class of leadership ingrained with inviolable, divine authority which stems from the font of nobility embodied in Steve Benjamin! It is not for we commoners to question the credentials or merits of the gentlemen Mayor Benjamin selects to govern us, and it is certainly not our prerogative to question what role these gentlemen may play in the Sovereign's inner sanctum. We must only bend the knee and submit to his authority, and be thankful for his Grace and Wisdom.

Comrades, this surely is a wondrous age! Let us stand together, side by side, lockstep as we march toward the future! The beacon of our fair city shines bright! A destiny of grandeur hangs before us, palpable and gleaming, and in order to reach out and grasp it we need but swallow our pernicious pride and forsake the vice of free will in favor of the succor of Sovereign rule!

Hail Steve Benjamin! Glory to the Cause!

1 comment:

  1. Ouch, ouch, ouch--the truth hurts I guess. Preach it, Aaron!