I donâ€™t know what to do. My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me yesterday over the fact that I used to be an escort. He went through my e-mails and saw that I was answering ads, putting ads up, sending photos. We had been planning a future together, talking about moving in, getting married, having kids, etc., and then this happened.
I know I either shouldâ€™ve told him about my past or shouldnâ€™t have succumbed to temptation. I started doing this again a year ago because I got fired from my job and couldnâ€™t find anything. I was so in love with this guy that I didnâ€™t mind staying at home waiting for him all day, doing everything and anything to make him happy. It took a toll on me, and I couldnâ€™t support myself. Then a friend recommended that I start escorting again. And then this guy e-mailed me saying he would give me $3,000 to sleep with him, and I couldnâ€™t say no.
What do I do, Dan? I canâ€™t eat, sleep, or even do anything. All I want is to hold my boyfriend and to be held. How do I make things better? I am disgusted with the person I am and feel so dirty.
No One Real To Hold
I donâ€™t want to salt your wounds, NORTH, but your boyfriend didnâ€™t find out that you â€œused to be an escort.â€ He found out that you are an escort. Even those of us who believe that sex work should be legal, and that sex workers shouldnâ€™t be stigmatized, also believe that a sex workerâ€™s romantic partners have a right to know about the sex workâ€”and consent to itâ€”because it places them at heightened risk of sexually transmitted infections.
Thereâ€™s probably no salvaging this relationship. The scale of the betrayal is just too great, NORTH, and your efforts to shift blameâ€”itâ€™s your friendâ€™s fault for suggesting you get back into sex work, it was that guyâ€™s fault for offering you $3,000, it was your boyfriendâ€™s fault (!) for occupying all your time (?)â€”demonstrate that you have yet to take full responsibility for your actions. You would need to do that, NORTH, at least that, before your ex could begin to think about taking you back.
Finally, NORTH, if doing sex work makes you feel this wayâ€”ashamed and dirtyâ€”please stop doing sex work.
Whatâ€™s the etiquette for having sex when youâ€™re a guest in another personâ€™s house? Friends spent the night and shared some passion. I donâ€™t have a problem with this. However, this was period-sex, and I was left with bloody, sex-stained sheets. Am I wrong to be annoyed? Can I ask them to replace the sheets?
Hostess With The Menses
Your guests had to knowâ€”if your sheets were a bloody mess, so were your guestsâ€”and they should have offered to replace your sheets. Youâ€™re right to be annoyed. If you believe your friends are selfish and inconsiderateâ€”if you think they didnâ€™t care about the mess they left for youâ€”confront them, ask for replacements, and cultivate other friendships. But if you know your friends to be deeply sex-negative, HWTM, itâ€™s possible they were so mortified by the messâ€”evidence that theyâ€™d had sex!â€”and were paralyzed by shame. If thatâ€™s the case, let it slide, buy your own replacements, and cultivate other friendships.
The etiquette or having sex when youâ€™re a guest in another personâ€™s house goes like this: Polite guests do not leave a bloody, spunky, or santorumy mess for their hosts to clean up. Staying in the guest room and desperately horny? Sounds like the perfect opportunity for an extendedâ€”and tidyâ€”oral-sex session. Staying in the guest room and want to fuck? Fuck on the desk, fuck standing up, fuck in the shower. If your partner is one of those only-in-bed, only-on-my-back types, lay a towel down on your hostâ€™s sheetsâ€”or, better yet, a couple of your own T-shirtsâ€”and fuck away.
Thoughtful hosts purchase dark sheets and towels for guest suites. And if guests leave a towel on the floor of the bathroom in a neat little ball, toss that towel in the washâ€”with extra bleach if the towels are whiteâ€”without unfurling and inspecting. Be warned: An unwise host who unfurls a balled-up white towel may find herself staring at what looks like the flag of imperial Japan. And if your guests are courteous enough to strip the bed before they leave, those balled-up sheets go straight into the wash, too.
Iâ€™m a young-adult gay virgin. Recently, an incredibly sweet, incredibly intelligent guy expressed a desire to blow me (among many other things). He also happens to be, without exaggeration, the hottest guy Iâ€™ve ever met in my life. I lusted after him for the better part of a year before I found out he was gay. So, naturally, I want to pursue this.
There are complications. Along with my obligatory first-time jitters, I have to deal with the reality that we will be working together all day, every day, through the fall. Which could be awkward if thereâ€™s any awkwardness after the fact. Which brings me to my main worry: Iâ€™m not circumcised. Iâ€™ve always been a little insecure about it. The one friend I trust enough to ask about this basically said that she would immediately abort oral if she realized a guy was uncut.
If I donâ€™t do this, Iâ€™ll regret it for the rest of my life (he really is that hot), but my friendâ€™s opinion has me worried beyond reason. Iâ€™m at a loss, Dan. Please help?
Uncircumcised â€˜Nâ€™ Completely Unexperienced Teen
You shouldnâ€™t put too much stock in one friendâ€™s opinion about uncut cock, UNCUT, particularly if that friend isnâ€™t all that experienced either andâ€”I hope all the sex-and-foreskin-positive single ladies will forgive me for thisâ€”when that friend is a lady girl. Some young women are squeamish about oral generally, and foreskins particularly, because they donâ€™t have much experience with cock, cut or uncut.
Gay men are much less likely to be squeamish about uncut cock; indeed, lots of gay men prefer uncut cock. My God, UNCUT, there are enough gay men out there with a fetish for foreskins to support a foreskin-specific porn genre for gay men. And even if this guy doesnâ€™t have a strong preference for uncut cock, UNCUT, itâ€™s highly unlikely that heâ€™ll be turned off by your clean, uncut cock.
As for any potential awkwardness after the fuct, UNCUT, if the hottest guy youâ€™ve ever swapped blowjobs with in your lifeâ€”presuming the exchange of blowjobs goes downâ€”is cold and distant, or even hostile, it might be because he doesnâ€™t want to get with you again. And like an idiot/asshole/amateur, he believes that being a dick is the only way to keep you from getting the wrong idea. If that happens, UNCUT, youâ€™ll have to be the grown-up. Get him alone and tell him that, hey, itâ€™s totally cool if he doesnâ€™t want to mess around again, but you donâ€™t want things to be weird. Tell him you intend to burn through any lingering feelings of awkwardness by being civil and polite to him and that you would appreciate the same from him.