Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Letters to the reader

By Todd Morehead

Dear Facebook paparazzi,

Remember the early days of cell phone cameras? It was a simple time, when, at most, young coeds would cluster together, lips pooched, and take headshots of themselves at Art Bar for gaudy MySpace slideshows. Maybe added some animated glitter and a Maroon 5 song for kicks. Folks generally kept to themselves in them days. Folks was content.

Nowadays, these newfangled Facebookers and Tweeters have turned their digital lenses outward and introduced a new Wild West of cell phone photography. These days a fella will post a photo of his buddy in a dress without even explaining that it was a joke at a surprise party. And if a respectable young lady is visible in the background at said party passed out on a dog bed in her skivvies, folks think nothing of tagging her in the photo to alert her 480 friends and coworkers.

Something has to give here. This center cannot hold.

Columbia City Paper

Dear S.C. Legislators,

This is yet another letter to you guys sincerely asking that you pull yourselves together up there. State workers are entering another year of furloughs due to budget cuts, education spending has been slashed and burned, among a slew of other financial woes befalling our state. Yet, some of you are proposing to lend $10 million to a Hilton Head PGA golf tournament because Verizon pulled out as a sponsor? The proposal was apparently tucked into the state’s spending budget.

Rep. Brian White of Anderson –who also wants to erect a statue memorializing aborted fetuses on the State House grounds—recently defended the proposal in a newspaper report, claiming the tax revenue the tournament would generate makes up for the investment. And, maybe it would. But, why not just invest that money in small businesses, who could also turn that investment into profit for the state? Sure, Hilton Head hotels, restaurants, call girls, and coke dealers would suffer, but times are tough for everyone.

Columbia City Paper

Dear grandma,

The flannel shirts for Christmas and $15 checks for my birthday have been great every single year for the past 20-something odd years. I’m not complaining. But, a grandmother in Wisconsin recently camped for 43 hours so her grandson would be first in line at a new ice cream shop. According to one report, she had planned to spend the night in her car, but locked her keys in it, so she had to sleep in a public restroom. Now, I’m not saying I don’t appreciate your brownies (though lately I can tell they’re not homemade), but I’m just wondering how deep your commitment to me really goes.

You know, stores will be releasing the new Apple iPad next month. Maybe we should take this opportunity to reevaluate our relationship. ...I’m just sayin.’

Columbia City Paper

Dear municipal election commission,

So, we have a convicted felon running for city council and a mayoral candidate who was recently removed from the ballot stemming from a felony conviction in 1994 –and both in the same election? And all this time I thought the felonies came after a candidate takes office.

Columbia City Paper

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