Thursday, February 4, 2010

Wellington Causes Brown Surge

[caption id="attachment_925" align="alignleft" width="213" caption="Does DeMint secretly read City Paper?    Ask him."][/caption]

I had something really good planned for this week. Everything was going great. Joe Wilson is safely ensconced as a one-hit-wonder (For everyone in Columbia, he’s still an A+ asshole but in the national consciousness his “You Lie!” is already part of some “Remember the Aughts” television nostalgia special). There was nothing juicy about Lindsey Graham in “Game Change” (although I can’t resist referring to the passage where Cindy McCain interrupted something John was saying and the Senator turned to her and said “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck” flipping her the double bird, both hands, big time—it’s hard to imagine mild-mannered Lindsey as best-friends with a guy like this, much less wanting him to be President). Yep, everything was going well.  And then came the special election in Massachusetts. Lindsey Graham, being the decent fellow that he (sort of, sometimes) is, warned his own party “If you are a Republican in a red state, don’t think this can’t happen to you.”

Unfortunately, what he means is that Republicans like Bob Inglis of SC’s 4th District may lose this year to a more conservative Tea Party Republican challenger. That means that DeMint may try to Rubio moderates. I am referring to the Big D’s personal attempts to oust Charlie Crist in Florida in favor of his own “Tea Party” insurgent candidate (Why, South Carolina voters may wonder, should DeMint care who is the governor of Florida?)

But why not, really? Mr. DeMint seems to be on a winning streak. Remember a couple of weeks ago when he held up the nomination of Errol Southers for the head of the TSA? DeMint was alone in this obstruction… and yet, just a couple days ago, Southers withdrew his nomination. The Democrats had sixty seats and haven’t been able to do a damn thing. And DeMint, with his steely eyes and weird grin, can overturn U.S. policy (Honduras) or hold up nominees whenever he pleases. Apparently one stubborn SOB can keep things from happening.

The next day, Mr. DeMint claimed responsibility for Republican Scott Brown’s victory in the Senate race in Massachusetts. Casting himself yet again as General Wellington, who defeated Napoleon Bonaparte, DeMint claimed responsibility for the victory, reminding Americans that he said that Healthcare would be Obama’s Waterloo and would “break him.”  When Brown won, DeMint told the press “I do believe that was a call to arms early in this race. I was one of the first who was willing to take the president on directly on an agenda that I thought was out of control.”

Now that his Wellingtonian beefing seems to have caused a Brown surge, DeMint served up his old statement like left-overs saying “If the president and the Democrats don’t get the message from Massachusetts, it will be their Waterloo.” He was so pleased with himself that he surely had crème de menthe for dessert.

Still, you’ve got to hand it to DeMint. He is a skilled politician. He knows how to make theater. You can see this if you search for DeMint on the social-networking site Facebook. There he has 24, 435 fans as a “politician,”  but only seven fans as a “government official.” (As an author he only has five).  This has got to make you wonder. Is DeMint’s grandstanding actually good for the people of South Carolina? Is he really a public official, or is he a Tom Delay politician who wants to be in the spotlight so badly that he will eventually end up on “Dancing with the Stars”?

The Duke of Wellington may have defeated Napoleon abroad, but he was not so popular at home. He was in fact known as the “Iron Duke.” No, not because of his steely resolve or his iron will. But because he had to put up iron shutters to protect his windows. People hated Wellington so much that they tried to throw rocks and bricks and trash through his windows every night.

Well, DeMint is up for election this year and we’ve got more than sticks and stones. I’ve been trying to get an interview with DeMint since I started writing this column, but he continues to rebuff my advances. Readers of the City Paper should demand that DeMint give an interview to the paper. You should bombard his email and telephones with messages so that he will have to put up his own electronic iron shutters.

Since most people read City Papers in bars, take another drink and call DeMint’s office to demand that he sit down with someone from the City Paper (ideally me). Then, when you’re done, call again. It’s evening and weekend hours on your phone—unless you drink in the day. And if you have a smartphone join my facebook group “DeMint should talk to the Columbia City Paper” (not to be confused with all of the other Jim DeMint pages, including “DeMint for President 2016” and “Jim DeMint is a Douche”). All the info is below.

Senator DeMint contact info

Columbia: 803-771-6112

Washington: 202-224-6121

To leave an electronic message you can go to

You can join my own facebook page Jim DeMint should talk to the City Paper at

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