Dear Mexican: I just read that Speedy Gonzales is getting his own feature film and will be voiced by George Lopez. I read in the The Hollywood Reporter that Lopez said he gave Speedy his â€œLatino Seal of Approval.â€ Who grants this seal? What does it look like? And how did Lopez get it?
Hija of the MiscegeNation
Dear Wabette: Isnâ€™t it nice to know that Mexicans in Hollywood, once they reach a modicum of success, become as hackish and hackneyed as their gabacho counterparts? Sorry to sound so whiny, but shame on Lopez for bringing back Gonzales. For starters, only Mel Blanc and his imitators are allowed to voice Speedyâ€”Lopezâ€™s gravelly voice will turn the mouseâ€™s high-pitched voice into a cacophonous bola de caca. Lopez also shows that by resurrecting Speedy from the celluloid graveyard, heâ€™d rather rip off the works of others than try to give young Latino talent a chance, just like Sandra Bullock gave Lopez a shot with his eponymous sitcom so long agoâ€”way to pay it forward, George! Finally, the assurances by Lopez and his wife that their Speedy film wonâ€™t showcase the â€œracistâ€ Speedy proves that the two are not only PC pendejos, but also pendejos, period. As the Mexican has written before in this columna multiple times, Speedy Gonzales cartoons were not racist depictions of Mexican culture, but rather clever allegories in which the seemingly dumb Speedyâ€”standing in for mexicanosâ€”consistently outwitted the dumb gabachos portrayed by Sylvester the Cat and, occasionally, Yosemite Sam. You want stereotypical depictions of Mexicans? Tune into Lopez Tonight, and just try to stay awake past the opening monologue.
Dear Mexican: In Mexican culture, do you know of any special significance attached to a woman giving a lock of her hair to a man as a gift?
Dear Newly Hairy Gabacho: If you canâ€™t get that a mujer giving you a lock of her hair wants you, then you probably thought she wanted you to use it as a mustache. No seas pendejo.
Dear Mexican: This columnâ€”although very intelligent and respected for the knowledge that the answers or responses are derived fromâ€”is, I find, very degrading to the Mexican culture. The broken Spanish is very New Mexican. I believe that throwing in some Spanish words here and there teaches the use of improper English, and I think itâ€™s you who will set an example for the Mexican people who read your column. They should get to see there are intelligent Mexican people who learned the English language and master two languages, rather than running it all together and sounding ridiculous and feeding the â€œMexicanâ€ stereotype.
Custodian of Cervantes
Dear Wab: Roto Spanish, muy New Mexican? Yo thought era Tex-mexicanos who hablar Spanglish very mucho. Spanglish es the modo in which yo can enseÃ±ar my facilidad with las two idiomas, fucking pinche asshole pendejo loser. Besides, mÃ¡s better a show gabachos that mexicanos can usar two lenguas instead que just unaâ€”and tambiÃ©n elite fresas such as usted.
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